| holy cow it's been
forever since i wrote in here. i guess it's because i'm not much of a
writer. however, i have to admit that i like writing things down when i
listen to good slow music. so here i go xanga. eat your heart out.
summer is beautiful and hot, just the way it should be. yes i complain
constantly about the heat and blahblahblah but secretly i love texas.
*shrugs* what can i say? i was born and raised here! i think i'll miss
it too. i have horrible memory so i have a hard time remembering the
past. it's weird how highschool flew by so quickly. i definatly miss
the little things though. i miss the days when my biggest problem was
finding a homecoming dress or writing a two page paper about
someonewhodiedabillionyearsago. there has been so many times where i
wanted to quit. quit on my parents. quit on art. quit on school. quit
on relationships that seemed too hard at the time. i guess i was too
chicken to actually give up. giving up seems harder then trying
sometimes. maybe not. i leave for new york in august. growing up seems
scary but exciting. maybe scary isn't the right word. i know there's a
word i'm looking for in my mental dictionary but i can't think of it.
whatever. you know the feeling. where there is nothing keeping you back
but you don't want to move forward. well, i want to leave. i want to
start over and find who i really am. a little soul searching seems
beautiful right now. i hate being controlled by everyone around me. i
feel like i can look freedom in the eye but i can't have it. oh well.
i'll have it by the end of august and no one can control me then. it's
not like i'm going to go completly crazy in newyork. i'll just have fun
and i won't feel bad about it. i think my biggest fear in newyork is
being broke. i dont' know how my parents are going to act when i'm
gone. they want me to work but i'd rather "focus on school" since i
have to keep up my gpa for my stupidnonexistantscholarship. i think i
deserve better but who am i to judge? i tell myself over and over that
SVA is the right choice but sometimes i think otherwise. maybe i should
have chosen parsons. i know i'd be broke at parsons. boo on 200 000$
education! maybe art isn't the right thing for me. oh who cares i'll
find out sooner or later right? i feel like i'm wasting time.. it feels
nice
i've rambled on long enough
so sorry lovers <3
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| carrollton -----> NEW YORK!
sva here i come =]
hope you're ready for me
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| done with apps
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| happy 15 months..
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